Ava was already in the kitchen. She was cooking eggs. It had got hotter and she was wearing shorts and a tank. The shape of her nipples was clear through the cotton. I’d seen her like this before, with nothing happening. Nothing beyond me acknowledging a shapely body, the way any man would. Today, I felt blood returning, and was glad to sit down. I told myself it was OK. That things would be normal again soon enough.
Ava smiled in greeting, and tipped eggs onto two plates. She handed one to me, along with the Tabasco sauce. Months of cohabiting meant a familiarity with eating habits.
I felt I had to say something.
“Ava.”
She looked up from her eggs.
“I just wanted to check. Are you OK? Yesterday was… well, it was intense, I guess.”
She moved her eggs around with her fork, pondering her response.
“I’m OK. I hope you are. I know it was weird. More weird than we planned. But I think we both tried to keep in mind what we were doing and why.”
I was less sure that this was my only motivation, but I nodded in agreement.
“We got it done. Somehow.”
We both smiled. This was less awkward than I had feared.
“And, you are OK… for later?”
“Yes, Martin. I’m more sure than ever that this is what I want to do. What I need to do.”
She sounded certain. As for me, I was trying to deny the thought, but an increasingly large part of me was looking forward to later.
Ava became shy. Again, only natural, I thought.
“I can help you again. If you like. I mean, if that makes sense.”
My heart was pounding. I tried to sound controlled. My voice did not sound controlled to me.
“I think that would make sense, as you say.”
“Sure. But… oh God, I’m going to make this more weird. I…”
She stopped. Then seemed to be more decided. Her tone was scientific again.
“I sort of hurt myself yesterday.”
“What happened, Ava? Are you OK?”
“Yes. I’m fine. But… OK, I’ll just say it. I think the syringes I brought home are a little too big. I’m not sure what I was thinking of. They didn’t look too big. But I guess the shape and also the angle I had to use…”
“You ripped yourself?”
“Nothing so dramatic. Scraped more. But it hurt. I thought, maybe if someone else was holding the syringe, it would be a better angle.”
My heart was incandescent at being restrained by my rib cage, and my mouth was suddenly like the Mojave Desert. I croaked a reply.
“If it helps. I’ll do anything.”
Ava smiled and extended an arm to pat my hand.
“As we are both at home. I thought maybe earlier. Perhaps five? There’s a new show on Netflix. The one I mentioned to you. I thought maybe we could relax together… afterwards.”
“Sure, Ava. Sure. That’d be nice.”- – –
We each had work to do. I made us both a sandwich for lunch, but we ate in front of our respective laptops. My head was spinning for much of the day. I didn’t get much work done. Soon enough the time arrived.
I knocked on the door of Ava’s room at 4:45pm. I knew I was early. She answered with a towel wrapped round her, fresh from the shower.
“Come in. You can wash, while I dry my hair.”