“You don’t feel guilty at all?”
“No, not really. I’m glad we made love, Ryan. I don’t care if it’s wrong.”
“Neither do I,” Ryan said.
“I guess this makes me your ‘Girl’!”
Ryan nodded, a small smile on his face. “Okay,” he said. “But what about dad?”
“We should probably try to keep this whole thing a secret, though. You know, so nobody freaks out or anything.”
Ryan gave me a look. “You’re a naughty girl, mom.”
“I’m naughty? You’re the one that forced himself onto his defenseless mother.”
“Defenseless, my ass. You could seduce anyone with that body.”
There was more simple minded bantering, the two of us laughing and feeling so easy with each other, so happy. By the time we got home, whatever feelings of doubt or guilt we might have had were gone. And when we came through the door and greeted Rob, we had successfully resumed our roles as mother and child again. He didn’t suspect a thing.
Nor would he. For the next three weeks we were careful, meeting when Rob was at work, or in motel rooms. A few times we even did it in Ryan’s bed after Rob had gone to sleep. We made love over and over again, passionately, tenderly, exhausting ourselves with each other. It was the most amazing time of my life, and it ended way too Soon.
It was time Ryan left to return to school and as he hugged me one last time before boarding the plane he whispered in my ear, “You are my girl.”
I moaned to his touch, and held him tightly. I pulled his ear close to my lips and whispered to him, “Always…”
I stood near the gate with my husband and watched until the plane was out of sight, then turned and, with Rob’s arm around my shoulders, we walked toward the car.
In the car, as we drove, Rob was rambling on about one thing or another. I wasn’t listening, or I thought I wasn’t, until he mentioned me visiting Ryan in England.
Now I was all ears, “Huh? What did you say?” I intoned.
Rob laughed, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.”
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I said, maybe you can visit Ryan, when it won’t interfere with his studies, that is.”
“Oh, oh, my…yes that would be nice…a nice surprise for him…” I was stuttering badly.
I fantasized being with Ryan in his dorm room, freely going about the campus and the village as lovers, unafraid and totally in love. I imagined the other boys and their approving stares as we demonstrated our love and commitment to one another in public. Throwing caution to the wind…
I smiled and dreamed of my son, my lover; I so wanted to be his “Girl” again, and again…