“What’s it supposed to be then?” she asked.
“Anything. Best ones are witty in some way. It’s a bar, play to the audience.”
“Something dirty then,” Mom chimed in.
Kelly and I shared another look.
“Well this can get awkward real fast,” I said.
“Quit being so uptight,” Mom said with a slap. “How about…. Friday Night Threesome.”
We shrugged. “It’s okay. Miles closer than ‘Team Awesome’,” I joked. Kelly retaliated by throwing a french fry at me.
I tapped the pencil against the table. “Hmmm… Periodic Table Dancers?”
They chuckled and shook their heads.
“Ass is the New Vag?” Kelly threw in. Mom raised an eyebrow.
“I like it, but…” I said to which both Mom and Kelly laughed.
“Cunning Linguists?” Mom threw out.
I laughed out loud.
“I missed something here,” Kelly said.
“It sounds like cunnilingus,” I informed my sister. Her furrowed brow remained.
Mom sighed. “When a guy eats you out, honey.”
“Mom!” Kelly said, cheeks blushing.
Mom just shrugged. “You’re the one who likes the ass.”
Our announcer was rounding the tables collecting the answers. He was one away from ours.
“He’s almost here, just give me something.”
Kelly shrugged. “I don’t know, ‘Fuck Condoms’. Just put that.”
“I am learning so much today about you two,” Mom joked.
“Here he comes,” I said as he approached.
“Fuck it. Just do the ass,” Mom said.
“I really wish I heard the beginning of this conversation,” the announcer stated as he approached our table. I wrote down our team name and handed him the pad. He read it over, chuckled and couldn’t help but eye my two companions. He walked away with an approving nod to me.
“What’d you put down?” Kelly asked.
“I went with yours. ‘Ass is the New Vag’.”
Mom seamed to sulk as she poured another glass. “I really liked Cunning Linguist.”
“I feel like we are learning so much about you two,” I said. Seriously, oddest day of my life.
“Mom,” Kelly said, “Your phone.”
Mom’s arm was illuminated by a soft glow coming from the screen of her smartphone.
“Oh shit. It’s a voicemail. I didn’t even hear it ring.” She grabbed her device and left the table.
Kelly and I were left alone.
“Well Sis. It’s been a long day. I hope it turned out the way you wanted.”
She shrugged, holding her beer with two hands. “We shall see. It was a lot of fun though.” She smiled. “How long until the photos are ready?”
“I was hoping to do some tomorrow and the next day if need be. I don’t really have anything else on my plate that’s as time sensitive.” I poured myself another pint. “Actually, with the way the night’s going, I might as well stay at the house. I left my computer there so I can stick around.” I leaned back in my chair.
“That would be awesome!” Her eyes shimmered brightly. “Thanks again,” she said, “I mean it; you are a life savor. I would be so screwed without you. And, it was soooo much fun.” She raised her glass. “Here’s to a wonderful day.”
“My pleasure,” I said as I clinked my glass to hers.
Her fingers drew shapes in the condensation of the glass.
“Jason, can I ask you a question?”
I nodded.
“You’re not dating anyone, are you?” she asked, though it felt like more of a statement.