What was I going to say when I faced them? How can I look my own mother and sister in the eye when they had been the root of my carnal fantasies for the last few days? What could I do, or should I do for that matter? This is my blood, relations, relatives. There are laws both written and moral that state that acting on these desires is the most forbidden of acts. And yet, the more my mind pondered the morality of these unions, the more I found myself craving to know what it would feel like. Imagine how intense it would be to experience the darker side of love making for that’s exactly what it was; making love, but in such a way that it instantly became my deepest and darkest fantasy.
So where then is the transition from fantasy to reality? What would it take and would I dare take the risk? Any action would require reciprocation from either party, and what if it was not met in likeness? I would expose myself then and be completely vulnerable. I would be humiliated, possibly shunned, and if made public, well, that would be the end of everything. Though that is the extreme, and I doubt very much it would lead in that direction. As a matter of fact, there was an ever growing possibility that we may all be in the same boat. But if that were the case, and this ever growing powder keg were to finally blow, we would need some sort of catalyst to be the final touch… And leave it to my father to provide.
“Check out my new gadget!” he said as I walked in the house that Sunday night. He stood over the dining room table with piles of cardboard and plastic while cradling a new Digital SLR. His fingers adjusted the dials with giddy excitement.
“Wow, Pops! That’s awesome!” I said as I eyed the familiar device. “I didn’t know you needed a new one.”
“Neither did I, but your mother picked it up for me. I think it is the same model as yours.”
It was.
“Timing couldn’t be better,” he continued as he squinted his eyes and looked through the viewfinder.
“Why’s that?”
“Got an early flight to China tomorrow morning. I have to audit one of the manufacturing facilities.” He powered off the camera and placed it in a red camera bag. At no point in time did he make eye contact with me. “Last minute notice.”
“Yeah, I’d say so. How long you gonna be gone?”
“Just the week. Be back on Saturday, jet-lagged as all hell, I’m sure.”
“Probably,” I said. “Where is Mom anyway?”
He nodded over to the kitchen. “She just picked up Chinese and is in there with Kelly.”
“Chinese food before China?” I asked, noting the irony.
“Yup.” His tone lacked any sense of enthusiasm, and then in a hushed voice, “She’s kinda’ in a mood.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” I said as I turned to leave, and then stopped in the doorway. “Are you not coming?”
He shook his head. “I’ve got to finish packing up then hit the sack. We’ll chat next week, I promise.” I turned to leave again but he stopped me this time.
“Oh, and can you tell your mom I’ll be sleeping downstairs on the futon in Kelly’s workspace.” He could sense my confusion. “She’s such a light sleeper that I don’t want to wake her when I leave. You know how it is.”