“You’re kidding! Why?”
“She thought I was doing it to put pressure on her about going on birth control. Like all I cared about was convincing her to have sex with me…bareback.”
Something happened to Jenny when I said the word “bareback.” Her face changed, she looked away, and she seemed to shiver a little. I couldn’t quite read her reaction.
It hit me then that Jenny’s reaction might be an indication that she wasn’t completely sympathetic to my side of the story. As a woman, she might feel for Alice and her fear of being manipulated and pressured. And like I said, even I was confused and ambivalent about my role in this. My heart sank.
“She’s right, isn’t she?” I asked.
“Oh, my poor Jakey.” I looked in her eyes and only saw love. “First off…I couldn’t tell you who’s right or wrong here. Every couple, every situation is different. You two are the only ones who know what’s right for you. But, for what it’s worth, I think you tried to do the right thing, and I can understand her fears, but I think she’s sending you mixed signals and I think she’s kind of lashing out at you. And no matter what else, you’re family and you’re very special to me, and I’ve got your back no matter what.”
I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I felt a heavy weight lift from my shoulders. There was a lot I could say, but I really only needed two words.
“Thank you,” I said. She smiled and we just looked into each other’s eyes. I felt such a connection to her.
“You told Dalia you’re breaking up with Alice. Aren’t you going to try to fix things?” she asked. I gave it a moment’s thought before answering, crystallizing the decision that had been forming in my mind over the last few days.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “One of the things she kept bringing up when we argued was that our relationship was too sexual. I mean, not enough besides sex. And she said that was why she was suspicious of my motives. It made me mad when she said it, and I denied it, but later when I thought about it…I knew she was right, in one sense. We didn’t have enough in the relationship; it was mostly about sex.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah…I guess I do. The sex was great. It really was. And it made us feel close, but something was missing. We didn’t do very much else, and we didn’t have a lot of deep conversations. I wanted to feel like I had a special connection with her. Like I have with…”
With you, I almost said to her. And even though I didn’t say it, she knew. She blushed but held my gaze, then smiled.
“It sounds like you’ve really thought it through. I’m proud of you Jake. You’re…you’re so grown up now…” she choked up a little, blinked away a tear, then giggled at her own emotional display. Her brilliant smile was back.
“Want to watch a movie?” she asked.
++++++++++
After a long, difficult, emotional week, I was exhausted. As the movie started, Jenny snuggled up against me. The earlier erotic charge I felt for her had softened, and now her warm, sleek body felt comforting. The movie completely failed to hold my attention and I was asleep less than half an hour in.
wpDiscuz