“Of course you can!” Great boomed. “This baby is as much yours as it is ours!”
“I feel the same way, Dad. More than you can know.”
“Duty calls,” Greg said. His usual farewell. Now, a strange duty was calling his wife and son.
“You keep yourself safe,” I said, feeling tears well up in my eyes.
“Bye, Dad. You can count on me to take care of things.”
“Give your mother a kiss for me,” Greg said.
The screen went blue. White letters: Connection Disestablished.
********************
In the car I said, “That was unfair.”
“No it wasn’t. It’s the only way to keep you honest.”
“You think what you’re proposing is honest? Really? You think substituting your baby for your father’s is honest?”
“Yeah because Dad believes it and that’s what’s gonna keep him safe and bring him back to us. That’s all the honesty I need.”
“My plan, not telling him about not being pregnant would have done the same thing,” I reasoned.
“And THAT would have been honest? That would have caused way more problems when Dad finally found out. He would have found out and realized he could never have another kid. He would have realized that his wounds had fucked up his chances to ever make you pregnant again and that it was too late.”
Ronny’s swearing stunned me for a second.
“Don’t you see, mom, if you’re pregnant and Dad has another child, for the rest of his life he’ll know his wounds didn’t ruin his life completely as a man and as a father. Don’t you see that?”
“I don’t know what I see any more. This is crazy. Even thinking about this is crazy. What already happened yesterday is crazy. But—letting you—your own mother letting you try and get her pregnant—that’s insanity.”
“Mom, I’m glad we did what we did yesterday. That proved our bodies are ready for what’s gonna happen today. That I can be excited enough to make love to you and your body can be excited enough to respond to me. I felt that yesterday. I know you were horny, Mom. Don’t deny it.”
I wanted to deny it in the worst way. It was shameful the way I acted. I let Ronny see me naked, I had sucked his cock, and I had let him eat my pussy until I was ready to ….
“My body betrayed me. Ronny, I’m going talk to you like you’re an adult. Your father and I haven’t had really normal sex in a long time and I thought I had shut down all feeling in that way. But, you forced my body awake in a way no son should ever do to his mother. That doesn’t make it normal or right. And what you’re intending to do is even worse. That’s one line that should never be crossed.”
“It HAS to be crossed, Mom. And look, I don’t want it to be something you hate. I don’t want to be that moment you conceive a baby to be something awful for you. I want to make love to you because I want it to be full of love. I love you, Mom, and I want this to be something good. No, not good … great.”
His words touched me. But, it was so screwed up, so wrong. Why did I ever mess up that pregnancy test. Could it be so that Greg would have something to hang his hope on this time? It was all jumbled up and confusing me.”