“I’m not following,” I said.
“Mom. It’s so simple. It’s the answer to everything. It’s perfect.”
“Ronny, you have to be a little more plain than that.”
Mom. Just think of this: I’m the donor!” He had this wide grin like he was so proud of himself. Like he had just cured the world of all ills.
“What? The donor? You? My son? A sperm donor? Are you crazy? I already told you we couldn’t use a clinic. And—YOU? A donor? For ME?”
“Not a clinic, Mom. You said everybody would find out. But this way, nobody would ever know. Not in a million years. Not anybody. Especially not Dad. It’s perfect. Don’t you see that?”
“I don’t see anything. You’re babbling. And, you’re making me a little frightened.” His father got just like this when some idea got hold of him. He wouldn’t let it go until he made something happen.
“Mom, I want you to keep telling Dad you’re pregnant.”
“Ronny, I can’t lie to your father. It’s too painful.”
“It won’t be a lie.”
“Ronny—”
“Mom. I want you and me to be pregnant! I want to do it to you. Me and you!”
“What?”
“Yeah, Mom, I want us to like … fuck and make a baby.”
My face must have gone frozen when I heard my son’s “brilliant” plan.
*****************************
Ronny left me stunned. “Think it over, Mom,” he said before going to his room.
That was the most outrageous thing I had ever heard. What could he be thinking? I knew he was only trying to help, but his even telling his mother a thought like that made me wonder about if I had done an adequate job bringing him up.
I had done my best. Being married to a career Marine was tough. I was essentially a single mom a lot of the time. I thought I had instilled good values in Ronny. Maybe his dad being away so much had changed his outlook on me.
I spent the next half hour beating myself up about being a poor parent. The only good thing about that was it took my mind off not being pregnant and having to break that news to Greg.
“Think about it,” Ronny had said. Outrageous. Unfortunately, I did think about it: how wrong it was for my own son to have such a disgusting thought.
Ronny came back to the kitchen and went to the fridge for a can of soda. I avoided looking at him. I wanted him to know I was angry. No—shocked and angry and disappointed. I silently hoped he forgot all about it.
“Yanno, Mom. We probably don’t have too much time.”
“Until what?” I knew immediately I shouldn’t have gotten sucked back into his discussion.”
“Until you’re at your readiest. When you ovulate. We can’t let that go by. We couldn’t wait another month because then it would be obvious something was wrong when you had a baby like a couple months late.”
“That discussion is closed, young man.”
“When do you ovulate? At least tell me that? I deserve to know that since I’m part of this family too. Right?”
That probably made sense to his teenaged mind, but it wasn’t going to move me. “Discussion CLOSED!”
“Don’t you want to get pregnant, Mom?”
“That’s not the point. That’s only right and proper between your dad and me. Not in any other crazy way.”
“Is it so crazy to want Dad to be safe? To want him to be happy? To want him to be proud?”